The Best Drug
I called you on the evening of December 31st, 1989
You didn't answer
But I guess you never do
My fragile heart had finally broken
All of the promises and times you let me down
Not tonight, though
Not tonight
I gathered the little respect I had accumulated and left
There was a party every night in California
The glasses filled with the most expensive champagne
The streets crowded with people from every which way
Alabama could never compare to this place
I would've never imagined such things about such a place
Then, I discovered new, fresh things at a few parties
Everyone did it
Everyone enjoyed it and looked like they were having the time of their lives
So why not
Just to see if I liked it, too
The feeling I felt was unknown, but appreciated
You didn't even exist anymore
You had disappeared from my train of thoughts
All of the pain and suffering you had caused floated away
I didn't mean for it to go this far though
I was beginning to lose myself piece by piece
What started off as just a little bit of the white powdery substance
Turned into an abuse that I couldn't control
It was as if my body ached for it
My mind ached for it
I mean, it wasn't just that
Pills, alcohol, all types of drugs
None of them could compare with what I felt for you
Six years, I spent with you
Oh, J, you truly were my one and only true love
I missed your warm touch, your deep voice when you said you loved me
I wish you would have come to see me
Maybe then I wouldn't be here
My 1968 navy blue Cadillac took me wherever I needed to go
Work, the movies, the beauty parlor, and most of all, those parties
Maybe I shouldn't have taken the tiny, white pill that night
I mean, I'd done it many times before and been just fine
But as I stumbled off to my car, something just didn't feel right
The brown, yellow, and purple faces of the people twirled before my eyes
I knew that on this night I would not hit the gas pedal until I got some rest
But for some reason, my mind had no control over my body
I put my keys into the car ignition and drove
Faster and faster my blue Cadillac flew on the road
All of a sudden, I saw you
I didn't really see you. I know that now
But my mind saw you
Every single peace of you
You took control over my soul, my entire existence
When I finally woke, the people in my hospital room said I collided into a tree
Really, I had collided into you
No matter what I did you would never leave me
I couldn't live with or without you
So, I decided I'd do neither
On December 31st, 1990, I finally said goodbye to this world
For why should I stay when there is nothing for me here
I still love you, Jacob
I always will
But I hate you, too
